Swine flu. Run for my life!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
