I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
