you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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