I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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