you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
