wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
