We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
