the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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