Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
