grandma shit on top of the toilet
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
