I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
