a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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