Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
