about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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