guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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