K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
