ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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