Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
