I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
