she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
only you would photoshop your dick
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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