I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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