he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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