so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
