Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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