we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize