you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
