What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
