sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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