note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize