Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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