I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Randomize
