His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
