i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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