First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
