she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
