I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
