If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
