we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
This is classic penis vs brain.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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