Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
