I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize