Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
