i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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