Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize