Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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