I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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