Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well I just put wine in my tea
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize