I think im going to throw up on grandma
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
