I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
