My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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