I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
