when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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