I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
