Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
