allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
