we have pet lesbian snakes
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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