Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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