when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
