i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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