this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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