hell yes lets make some ravioli
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
