I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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