I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
